Riley Alexis

That heart stopping moment when the nurse looks at you and smiles and says, "Ah! It's a girl, congratulations!" I was so surprised. I knew from the beginning it was a girl but recently Alex had talked convincingly enough about how great boys were that I had accepted being a boy's mom but NOPE. It's a girl. And her name is Riley Alexis Ocasio. 

Riley Nicole was the name I had picked out from childhood for my daughter but when I found out, I knew Alex had said he would love to have the name Alex somehow incorporated and so Riley Alexis was the natural choice. He instantly agreed. We took a bit longer to come up with a boy's name but Dean Alexander was special because Alex's late nephew, Martin, had the middle name Dean and it was perfect if we had a boy. 


6.17.16 finally answered all of our what-ifs. The technician was very thorough and showed us all the different parts of our little girl, who's healthy and on track for November! In fact, yesterday marked 20 weeks THE HALFWAY POINT. [ i've been pregnant for 20 weeks. unbelievable ] Riley not only is a kicker and mover but she has been listening to our krav classes - hands were up, protecting her face and she even had some elbow #1 action going on to avoid the camera (: During classes, its amusing to watch him teach kicks and feel her moving inside me. 

6.17.16 It's a GIRL

We had different ideas on how to announce little Riley to the world but it ended up with me contacting my friend who is also pregnant (and having a little girl!) and a fantastic photographer. Purple Paint. Water Guns. White shirts. It was a BLAST. Here are just a few from the photo shoot: 

[ yes there was glitter and purple paint EVERYWHERE ]

Life has been an incredible journey with this man and now our #lifeofdos has changed into our little family of three and we can't be more excited! There is no one else I'd rather walk this path with or stand next to while raising our daughter. Life feels difficult with its ups and downs but standing by his side has never felt more right. Our cozy townhouse is slowly coming together and we're looking forward to the next few years filling it with even more memories!


Thoughts from Mother's Day

5.8.16 Mother's Day

Baby is officially into the second trimester as of May 11th! It is amazing to think that I've been pregnant for 14 weeks. There's a slight baby bump now but its not enough for someone to look at me and think oh! baby. [maybe like she's got a bit of a tummy but the rest of me is still skinny] I have an appointment tomorrow for updates and hopefully another ultrasound picture. We may decide to go ahead this weekend and announce Baby O to the social world but that'll require some coordination. 

Mother's Day came and we ended up making the drive out to Pittsboro to see my family and fur babies. It was a good visit with everyone, we ended up looking through mom's old scrapbooks of me. Alex laughed at all the crazy food and hair pictures. And he graciously asked his mom to send some of his childhood pictures to us so I could see them. We both are adamant that we were the cutest baby of the family so this child has no choice but to steal hearts from the moment it comes into this world! I also called P-paw and let him know about his new great-grandchild. Hopefully he can meet Alex at Aunt Diane's wedding this June. 

It's been a whirlwind week however because WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A TOWNHOUSE! It's a beautiful cozy home about 10 minutes south of where we are now. The neighborhood is quiet with lots of long roads for evening walks with the family. I am [dying] to paint and make it our home but we have to wait til at least June 6th to close if nothing holds us up. Fingers crossed everything is good to go and on time. (=

5.11.16 14 weeks / Second trimester

I feel very loved by Alex and building our family together. It's scary and exciting, I often feel like I have no clue what I'm doing and its easy to feel defeated. But I have such a strong partner at my side, I know we can conquer every obstacle that comes our way. Our strengths compliment each other. Which is good because the stress level of moving and getting ready for baby will increase in the next few weeks. Being in a relationship is so challenging; I am constantly tested and pushed to be better. Seeing the world from different perspectives is something I am grateful for even when I get overwhelmed by all the information that comes my way. As Alex always says, "Everything is a decision." It's easy to remember this and the logic it brings to situations when you're not emotionally charged but the advice is sound and something that has shaped the way I approach things. 

I feel like im starting to ramble when i should be wrapping things up and moving onto to my work projects.  =P 

Baby O // Updates

I'm on the cusp of turning turning 13 weeks! AHH. its really crazy to think back and realize I've been carrying around a child for over 2 months.  Literally, it feels unreal. The baby has grown into the fetus stage this past week. The little 'What to Expect' app on my phone provides updates each week on the growth of the baby and its incredible all the things its little body is doing! It's about the size of a peach now but no there's absolutely no showing of any baby bump =P 

The changes in my body feel subtle but overwhelming at times. I do feel the loosening of my joints, particularly with the hips and knees because of the strain they are already under due to krav and past injuries. The headaches are generally manageable but yesterday I took a half day off work because the nausea and dizziness. Weather tends to wreck havoc on the sinuses which just adds to the headache symptoms. Energy levels are higher but I will admit sleep has been the most amazing thing. 

But aside from that, Alex and I have spent the last week meeting with family and house hunting! Whoop whoop #adulting. 

4.30.16 | Dinner with Papas and Nanny

Last Saturday we met my grandparents for dinner and they enjoyed meeting Alex for the first time. Everyone got to catch up, eat food but the opportunity to say something about the baby never really came up so I asked for them to walk around Crabtree Mall with us. We stopped in a coffee shop and after chatting for a few, I told them I couldn't believe people had kept it a secret long enough for us to meet and handed them the ultrasound pictures saying, "you're going to be great grandparents." I swear, Nanny gasped and screamed at the same time and practically lunged at us to give us hugs. The surprise and shock on their faces was priceless.

Over the course of the weekend [which was pretty fantastic] we called my great grandparents, uncle and shared the news with them. so family is pretty much taken care of and now we just have to get a sunny afternoon and someone to take an announcement picture. We have an idea already, we just have to implement it. We won't find out til June sometime whether we're welcoming a Riley Alexis or Dean Alexander Ocasio into the world. 

Ashley has been enlisted as our agent in our search for a townhome/house/condo in a good area. Talk about exhausting. It's mentally draining to find something perfect and its already under contract within 24 hours. Sigh. We managed to get out last night to see some places but the search continues.. 

 Basically its pretty routine otherwise despite the craziness approaching. I NEED to get better about baby bump photos though. It feels like no change but I'm sure looking back i'll be able to see some progress each week. Alex was able to put his ear to my stomach the other night and hear the baby's heartbeat. The next OBGYN visit is in a couple weeks so I will probably update then with the announcement photos as well. Fingers crossed we'll have a place under contract soon! 

4.27.16 //  12 weeks

5.4.16 // 13 weeks

Who do you want to be?

Every person wants to feel like they have a purpose. They are meant to live for something. They want they do matters. Guess what? You have a purpose. I have a purpose. 

I often feel like God won't forgive me. That's I'll be so stubborn that there won't be any turning around for me. I KNOW God forgives and has His arms outstretched towards me to repent and turn. BUT I act like He doesn't. This disconnect of knowing something and acting on it is hard. Its something I struggle with in many aspects of my life. 

Im trying to find my identity. And to end the bad habits of beating myself up for not getting it right the 5 hundredth time or feeling inadequate, etc whatever else makes me feel worthless. The past Sunday I spent a miserable 24 hours. I bickered with Alex, I cried myself sick, and I felt worthless. I ruined my whole day, his day, and finally ended the day alone and numb. 

But that awful day sparked something. For the first time, I have been able to look at a situation and think, no I am not going to fly off the handle upset. I have thought through what I was saying, who I told, etc for many situations in the last week. I have chosen to push aside the weak feelings and emotional urge to cry. I'm not perfect. But I finally feel released. That I can shake things off. I can take a bad day and leave it in the past. I can frustrate Alex and say I'm sorry and move on. I can disappoint others and myself and say tomorrow's a new day, lets do this better. 

Now I have expectations and I do feel hurt. Every day. But there's something different. honestly. I feel more clear-headed. There isn't so much muddling around. God seems to be saying yes, who do you think I am? Because once you know that. Then you'll know who YOU are Caity. 

I am an intelligent beautiful person who loves deeply. Yes I want to make everyone happy. I love being around Alex and my friends and enjoying the moment. These are good wholesome things. I don't have to save the world, I need to live my life and live it to the fullest. I don't have all the answers but I can re-cultivate a love of finding answers. I'm not perfect, but I can listen and learn to do better. I'm not big but I have the tools I need to discover how to become stronger and faster. 

I have a good life. All the ups and downs and hardships suck but there is always light.